Van Walker's Blog (10)

So there I am, reading the sports page when I come across this gem in the AP: Apparently, the MLB Players' Union is concerned about the lack of offers to free agent Barry Bonds. They have hinted that collusion may be at the root of the problem. I don't know...maybe they're right. I mean, what's not to love about a 43-year-old outfielder on bad knees who routinely turns singles into doubles? What's not to love about an overweight left fielder who couldn't catch a bullet in Beirut? Now that I… Continue

In philosophy, there is a law of non-contradiction which can be stated in the following formula: A ≠non-A. In plain language, the law of non-contradiction says that a thing can't be both what it is and what it is not at the same time. One of my favorite quotes on the subject comes from the medieval philosopher Acivenna: "Anyone who denies the law of non-contradiction should be beaten and burned until he admits that to be beaten is not the same as not to be beaten, and to be burned is… Continue

Holding the Number 1 pick in the upcoming draft, the Miami Dolphins have signed offensive lineman Jake Long to a five-year, $57.5 million dollar contract, which includes a $30 million signing bonus. Thus, thanks to the current system, the highest-paid offensive lineman in the entire NFL has yet to take a snap in an official, regular season game. Somehow, this kid ended up with more money than Walter Jones, and Jones is only in the conversation when one is talking about the best current offensi… Continue

Get me a T.O., baby! It's awesome, baby, with a capital A! One of us just became one of Them. Richard J. "Dick" Vitale is now a member of the Basketball Hall of Fame. And I say "Good for you, Mr. Vitale." Let's face it: the guy was no great shakes as a coach. He was good in college, with a Detroit Mercy team that beat eventual champion Marquette in '77, and he was abysmal as the head coach of the Pistons (not many guys get fired 12 games into a season, but he managed). So what happened? H… Continue

...of everything that has happened since my beloved Cubbies last won the World Series (1908): 1. Radio was invented. 2. TV was invented. 3. Movies gained both color AND sound 4. MLB added 14 teams. 5. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays. 6. Haley’s Comet passed Earth...twice. 7. Blues, jazz, rock, and rap music were all created. 8. Women gained the right to vote. 9. Alcohol was prohibited. 10. The prohibition of alcohol was repeal… Continue

(As seen in the San Francisco Chronicle Want Ads) Veteran left-fielder (okay, who are we kidding, DH) seeks major league baseball employment. Can't run. Can't throw. Can catch a fly ball if it's hit right at me. Overall age: 43. Actual age of knees: 75. Can bat over .300. Can hit over 30 home runs. WIll require three lockers. Will require personal recliner. Will require personal trainer not in prison, who can supply his own syringes for my, er, B-12 buttock injections. Will require personal tra… Continue

I like The Sporting News, but every once in a while, they lay an egg. Case in point: Tom Dienhart's utterly wrong-headed article about the NCAA Division 1 Men's Basketball Tournament. A while ago, I read an article by Jason Whitlock in which the author argued that the Big Dance devalued the regular season because of the emphasis placed on conference tournaments, coupled with the emphasis on trying to get into the field o… Continue

Hey, if you didn't get an e-mail from me about this, here's the scoop: I have created a tourney pickem pool on Yahoo. You need a Yahoo ID, the ID number of my private group (96116), and the password (vitale). Then you can get in and make your picks blindfolded for all the good it'll do ya. Every stinkin' year, I do this to myself. Every stinkin' year. And, with the inevitability of Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown, I know it will all end badly for me...and yet, there I am, despera… Continue

You may recall an old saying about being fooled, something about urinating on one's back and telling that person that it's raining. That is where we are with Halas Hall these days, with the Chicago Bears bringing Rex Grossman back for another season. That's right, the Bears paid green, folding cash for Rex Grossman to play for them again, this despite a "body" of work that is as inept as any ever perpetrated by an alleged quarterback. And they had the nerve to raise prices across the board a… Continue

In an earlier blog, I compared the Roger Clemens fiasco to a high-stakes Texas hold 'em poker game. Having read some pretty fine opinion on the matter (check out Mike Lupica, Mike Florio, Ray Ratto, and Dan Wetzel), I decided to do something a little different and extend my original metaphor of a Texas hold 'em poker game, with Wednesday's appearance before Congress being the showdown. Here's where we stand. The Mitchell Report started the deal. McNamee looked at his down cards and considered… Continue